it's fine.

We are over half way through the semester.
We are getting married in less than 2 months.
Tomorrow is Halloween.
After that we only have one major holiday to get through before our wedding.
I am experiencing some major mid-semester blues.
Homework and studying are a constant battle.
Waking up in the morning is dreadful.
After going through a summer where I always made it work on time, 7:00 on the dot and usually early, I am consistently late. Last week I went 40 minutes late on Tuesday and an hour late on Wednesday. I did have a legitimate excuse, but still.
At the beginning of the semester, we were super great about eating good meals for dinner every night.
Now we are lucky if we have one good meal a week. Last night Kevin and I had a bowl of cereal at 9:00 at night.

I have to admit, sometimes I have a really hard time enjoying the moment of life that I'm in. As of right now I am always fighting against feelings such as:
"In 8 more loads of laundry, I won't have to kiss Kevin goodbye anymore, I can just kiss him goodnight."
"After I've had 2 more periods, Kevin and I will be married."
"In 6 more FHE's, I'll never have to go to a singles ward FHE again."
"In 6 1/2 weeks I move out and never have to live with random strangers again."

And I keep up a running mantra of "it'll be better once we're married," "I can live with silly roommate issues for a little while longer," "This is going to end soon," "Our wedding will be here before I know it."
I know that this is a problem. I know that we are supposed to "find joy in the journey." I know that it is always better to find happiness in the moment and love where we are at and not wish away our present. But honestly, this present is a little on the crappy side, and I'm glad that I have something to look forward to and that I have an understanding that things won't be this way for much longer.

Yes. There are awesome things about the stage of life that I'm in that I'm going to miss when Kevin and I get married. And things that I am going to realize that I took for granted and wish I had enjoyed more when I had the chance. And I really am trying to enjoy where we are at right now, because I know that I will never be engaged again. I do love it. I swear I do. But on days like today, and in weeks like this week and honestly in months like this past month, I welcome the change that is coming up when this semester is over. I'm ready to bid goodbye to single life and I will probably be more happy than sad to see it go.

But until then, I will do what I can to be happy now and try not to be too anxious for December 22.